Since we last spoke a lot has gone on hence the gap between posts!
So….I had a son on the 1st of November, big change in my life and it’s made me change my outlook to work actually. My main drive in life has been to work, I chose work over life by working crazy hours, missing many important events and generally ignoring most things apart from work, food and cooking! I think I was working this hard to make a name for myself, to make sure I always had a job and money to buy the things I wanted. Now as I find myself looking for the next step in my career, trying to find a job or maybe take on a pub of my own, the reason that I keep feeling inside me is so that my son can be proud of me. I have never had this as my driving factor before, I want my son to be proud when his mates or his teachers or anyone really asks him what his dad does. I don’t want to be a temp chef, I don’t want him to tell people “my dads a temp chef”, I want him to be able to say “my dads a head chef” or “my mum and dad run the best pub/restaurant in Wiltshire”.
I also just turned 35 this week, another factor that makes me wanna find something I can really get my teeth stuck into, a job I can make that name for myself and feel settled. Somewhere I can cook food that I want to cook and play with crazy and/or terrible ideas I have that I can’t do as a temp chef always in different kitchens and driving all over racking up the miles instead of writing down new dish ideas.
I had a great December working hard at the Red lion, that time of year for a chef is fun, exhausting, exhilarating, non stop and generally hectic! Then it ends and January is the polar opposite, instead of making 20 portions of something you make 5, instead of checking the next pre order for the next service you clean something and plan the next days staff food! For me the end of December meant the end of my time at the pub and time for me to find a job more long term. Due to the vale of Pewsey having very little to offer in terms of amazing establishments where I would love to be the head chef I needed to find something else and I stumbled across a pub that is in need of a tenant.
The thought of running our own pub, cooking the food I want to cook, building my own kitchen and restaurant team, carving out a reputation in the area for ourselves….. is what any ambitious chef want but also….. really scary!
I would need to spend nearly all of my savings and then probably get a loan (mostly for really cool kitchen equipment (sorry but i am a chef after all!)), then trying to find staff out in the middle of the Wiltshire countryside is not easy. I know full well that some days when some staff don’t turn up I’m gonna be at work, when the housekeeper can’t come in I’m cleaning the rooms but still I really want it! The other option is to get a job with a guaranteed pay check each month which means I can buy the things for the house and my kid and pay the mortgage, all good things and it sounds much easier.
This is the dilemma for me and of course the dilemma for anyone who is thinking about starting their own business, so I’m certainly not alone in my fears. I’m a very logical and realistic person so when it comes to things like this I over think things maybe too much instead of just fucking going for it!
In other news I have fermented some red cabbage and its awesome!!